There is no “one-size-fits-all” charisma style; you have to find the one that suits you best.
To make a great first impression, you have to make others feel you're similar to them.
The same logic applies to your demeanor
This is because, as economist John Kenneth Galbraith believes, we seek to reaffirm our first impressions rather than revise them.
don't underestimate the handshake – it requires trust, so it's an important step in intimacy.
o, begin that first meeting by plimenting the other person or asking open-ended questions, and stick to positive subjects. When it's time to end the meeting, try again to leave the other person with positive feelings.
Making a great first impression es from paying attention to others.
eople generally don't handle uncertainty well: it makes us tense and stops us from being present – both of which harm our charisma.
eing charismatic means overing mental and physical disfort.
three ways to counteract disfort: prevent, recognize, and remedy or explain.
remember you're not alone in the experience and that what's happening isn't really serious.
Dedramatize: what's happening isn't serious, and lots of others are going through it.
if we feel bad because someone has reacted negatively to us, we should consider that the reaction might have nothing to do with us – that person could be struggling to manage their own physical or mental disfort.
Remind yourself that your mind isn't always giving you accurate information about reality.
o the next time you make a mistake, feel negative or experience disfort, just remember that it's a part of normal daily life. Remind yourself that your mind isn't always giving you accurate information about reality.
Rewriting reality When experiencing anxiety, try using the “rewriting reality” technique.
《The Charisma Myth》读后感(五):真诚地教你如何成为一个更好的人和一个更友好的人
我看了几本关于说话技巧和人际交往的书,我觉得这本最好。很多这方面的书会教一些招数,可能有效,但我觉得会我自己觉得很假(别人是不是这样觉得不知道),但这本书却是通过分析人类的共同心态,教读者如何改变自己的思考方法,来营造一种感觉或者氛围,而提高自己的人际交往魅力。
书的开头用了一个故事来解释什么是人际交往的魅力,两个参加竞选政治家分别和一位女士吃饭,那位女士形容和第一位政治家谈话,她觉得那位政治家是全世界最聪明的人;而和第二位政治家谈话,她觉得自己是全世界最聪明的人,你猜谁赢了竞选?
所以说,要增加人际魅力就是要注重别人的感觉,那到底是什么感觉呢?作者认为主要有三个,presence(专注),power和warmth。
一个presense。作者要我们留意两种人类共同的心态:
第一个是,我们自我中心,所以认为所有发生的事情都与自己有关。作者有一个例子,例如一个人他要推销一个产品,他在别人开会的时候因为他穿的西装不舒服,他显露出来的“不舒服”的表情和动作尽管可能很微小,但人类很多时候是靠直觉观察,被推销的人靠直觉地观察到这些表情和动作,他会联想这些表情和动作是否与我有关,会不会这个推销员有什么在隐瞒,会不会不喜欢我等。所以作者认为,要做到presence,就要去除这些physical disfort, 而做法就有个方面,prevent it,aware it,and explain it:尽量令到自己舒服,擅长观察自己的感觉防止自己做令人误会的表情和行为,想对方解释是自己不适。
第二个人类共同的心态是placebo和nocebo effects,简单来说,就是相信就是现实,自我预言的实现(self-fulfilling prophecy),如果你老是想一些负面的东西,这些东西真的就会变成现实。
除了physical disfort外,更重要是消除mental disfort,mental disfort主要有三个。这三个mental disfort 是:
1. 对不确定事情的不安与害怕,例如上个星期考试成绩如何,吵架了的男/女朋友为什么不复微信,上个星期谈的合约能否顺利签成。这些事情往往都需要耐性地等待,接受不了这种不安状态的人往往是在时间没成熟前行动或者“做多了”令到事情变差。有研究发现,如何处理不安感,是可以准确地预测一个人的成就,因为不安会令你分神,你把一部分的精力放在担心这件事上,而不能专注地做自己手头上的事。而如何处理这种不安,作者提议用“responsibility transfer”冥想(参考本文最后的网址)
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